i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
