I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
