I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
