Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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