she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
