imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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