we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
