If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
