Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
