Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
