Sponge bath it is.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
