There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
