I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Randomize
