One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
