As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
