oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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