This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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