the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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