Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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