Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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