so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
accomplished twins. life is a go
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
