I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
