How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
