hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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