i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
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I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
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You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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