If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I cockslap morals
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
