so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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