She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
