...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
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I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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