I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
