This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Text me some of your sweat
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
