rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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