just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
