After last night, I could never be a politician.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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