I should be sponsored by Trojan
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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