how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
