those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
