Whod you bang
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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