Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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