my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My vagina is officially offended.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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