She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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