True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
