OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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