Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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