the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
