I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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