I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
