Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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