I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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