I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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