i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i already hear my dad disowning me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
