saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
