mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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