How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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