I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
