I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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