My sheets look like a crime scene.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
