Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
