he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
