'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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