Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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