if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
