yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
