You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
