Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
