Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
