Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
