so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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