Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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